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15-Jul-2017 11:28

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Maybe if everyone is 30 and married 5 years before the loss something could work out between the widowed and the unmarried, but at my age, put all the above into the algorithm, and what it puts out for me is, I am not a good match to the widowed (or anyone previously married, as I have stated often here).

If those who are widowed are open to marrying someone who has not been married, my suggestion because you could be trying to engage someone more on my end of the spectrum, is to keep the following in mind:1) don't refer to the deceased spouse as "my wife" or "my husband." Refer to them as my "late wife Susan" at the first opportunity, and thereafter just call her Susan.

Hopefully they learned a lot either way and have completed the steps of mourning and if need be, worked on their own faults (as I am working on mine daily! It makes no difference to me where a person wants to be buried.

)Negatives - only if the widower is expecting automatic replay and is not ready to make this an entirely new relationship. If I am the second wife of a widower and he predeceases me and already had a plot, by all means be buried there.

"--Has been through a GREAT tragedy, a huge loss, a massively life changing event, a soul wretching situation, that you have not, you will never know (until you lose them yourself I guess), and therefore, they are changed...sometimes not for the better...

I know all of my many life losses have changed me, not for the better.

To lord that knowledge over someone who has not is patronizing and denies them that experience of discovery what you went through ALREADY, with someone else.

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The new boyfriend will be left alone on Saturday mornings because that is when Bob used to want to putter in the garage.From how they take their coffee to how they like to watch their sports, to does she like flowers.And because of all that learned behavior, they are doing to respond to the new partner with those learned behaviors, because who wouldn't?It sounds like you're a very sensitive person, in your individual way. Just coming back to this discussion, having read the replies after my own, to add some more.

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