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Surprise surprise, says Jeney — it’s the inability to connect deeply with a potential romantic partner.
We sat down with Jeney to sort through this massive problem, and to get some practical advice on how to find love in the modern age.
I think that would help in establishing that initial spark; you can know right off the bat pretty easily if this person is connecting with you, or is present, or is engaging.
And then just being honest about [your expectations], which is really hard for people to do because they think they’re going to scare someone away.
So I think that if you are going to use [dating apps], my suggestion is to be very upfront and authentic with what your intentions are, and with who you are and what you’re looking for.
I would definitely suggest having some phone conversations prior [to the first date] — not texting, not emails, genuine phone conversations.
AJ: I think that question’s loaded, because there’s so much that they can quote-unquote “do” on the practical end, [for example] maybe avoid Tinder or certain platforms that are instant, instant, instant.
But I think on the emotional end, what I try to help my clients unpack is what is it that they really even want? And how much of that can they provide for themselves?
That’s why we decided to ask an expert for some millennial dating advice.
Meet Alysha Jeney, a 30-year-old married relationship counselor based in Denver, Colorado.
Yep, you read that right — she’s a counselor, a millennial herself, she’s in a successful long-term relationship. Jeney, who is also the founder of the subscription-based Modern Love Box for couples, has been with her partner for about a decade, and has been in private practice for three years.
Sometimes yes, it’s the biological clock, and yes, just feeling lonely.
But another part of it can also be that they just feel that they have to [find someone]; they feel like they’re at this age where everybody else is doing it, everybody else is married, and everybody else has children, so there’s just a lot of pressure.
I personally have not looked into them, so it’s hard for me to recommend.